Stealing Away On A Holiday


Okay, I realize I’ve committed a sort of cardinal sin by admitting I’m out of town via social media. What if the wrong person sees it and decides to break into my place? To them, I offer the following advice:

~Feel free to take whatever you want from the garage. Most of it’s been out there for 1 1/2 years, and I haven’t missed a bit of it. In fact, you may be doing me a favor, as winter is coming (GoT reference FTW!), and it’d be lovely to be able to park in my garage.

~I truly don’t have much worth stealing. There’s no jewelry, a safe full of valuables, collectibles, gold bars or coins. I have a PS3 I love dearly, but even that’s been dropped from the top of a bookcase. And my TV is small enough to run off with, but I’d loooove an excuse to get a bigger one.

~If you happen to be a car burglar, you’re in luck! There’s a whole mess of them in the backyard. Please pay special attention to the bobtail named Gilly. She could use a living home. There’s also a slew of indoor cats you’re welcome to. All I ask is that you leave the tortoise-shelled calico (the black and orange kitty). If you take her, we will hunt you down and gut you like a fish, and probably murder your loved ones for good measure.

Have a good day and enjoy!

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